20 Things You Have to Believe to be a Republican
This has been posted in numerous places online, but I thought I’d continue the virus (Source):
1. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
3. Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.
4. “Standing Tall for America” means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.
5. A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all humankind without regulation.
6. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
7. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.
8. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.
9. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.
10. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
11. HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.
12. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
13. Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.
15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is a solid defense policy.
16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
17. The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George Bush’s driving record is none of our business.
18. You support states’ rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.
19. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the 1980s is irrelevant.
20. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist; but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
[Update 1/5/08: It's pretty sweet when your blog has thousands of hits, not because of something intelligent you wrote (if I've in fact done that), but because of humerous crap that you passed along.]
December 14, 2007 at 12:35 pm
Well Done! I haven’t seen this before… Thought it, yes… Seen it, no.
December 14, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Uh, no. But as a non fact-based attack on Republicans, this is pretty funny.
December 14, 2007 at 9:03 pm
[Editor's Note: The secret is to have someone put in on StumbleUpon and then it gets picked up. But the popularity doesn't translate into other parts of my blog - 3,000 people read this one and nothing else.]
I See Your One Of The Fastest Growing WP blogs *whats your secret lol*
December 14, 2007 at 9:21 pm
i’d say that pretty much nailed it.
December 15, 2007 at 12:59 am
Humorous. You should do one for Democrats also. I think I’ve already come up with a few!
1. Belief that since the government did such a great job with healthcare, governing the world, and our children’s education that we need to socialize more.
2. Wealth redistribution = more votes.
December 15, 2007 at 2:15 am
I didn’t see anything that wasn’t fact based in there.
December 15, 2007 at 12:01 pm
[Editor's Note: Yeah, because fighting them in Afghanistan and Iraq is a much better strategy - diffuse your resources, lose focus, ignore one over the other, and do a half-ass job in both. Fighting them in one place would have been just fine.]
Interesting. But I must add on #7 I think democrats do a much better job demoralizing the troops. I just made a slide show comparing the bumpers stickers from the left and right that you mind find interesting.
http://citizenandsoldier.blogspot.com/2007/12/bumper-sticker-war-slideshow.html
December 15, 2007 at 2:29 pm
[Editor's Comments in brackets; it should be noted that this list isn't mind - I'm just another amused messenger.]
From a republican:
1. All republicans don’t pray [But all Republican candidates have to pass a religious test for office.]
2. The UN is a joke, but we might as well try to have fun with it
3. Drug control is under state level control, the federal gov. should not have anything to do with it.
4. Didn’t Bill Clinton create NAFTA?
5. What if you would have been aborted? That would save me from writing this. Big business is not only a Republican issue, a lot of Dems are hemmed up just as tight. [I don't think anyone's an abortion fan, but it wouldn't be so hypocritical if they didn't save the babies but ignore the children.]
6. Jesus loves me, but then he loves you too, even if you are gay, and by that definition he loves Hillary. [The historical figure named Jesus is dead and can't actively love anyone.]
7. Again, the Dems are just as much responsible for this is Reps, not passing needed military bills for funding is a key factor. [We should have two military bills. One for the actual troops and one for the throwing money away on crappy contractors and fraud.]
8. Group Sex and Drug Use are recreation for everyone, some just lie to themselves.
9. They’ll have sex, but my pick up line would be “Hey I have a condom, wanna screw?” [I'm not sure you'd get very far with that one.]
10. Who is the first country to arrive in a crisis situation, whether it is the gov. or citizen donations? We really don’t take money from our allies, just trade money for resources. [The Sudanese are still waiting. Bangladesh gave New Orleans some money.]
11. Capitalism baby, profit profit profit. Go to North Korea. [Love the profit. Hate the cheaters.]
12. After how bad we screwed up Iraq, we need to do something in good faith. Americans can get health care if they need it. They just have to give up some pride.
13. Separation of church and state is required, so if this is happening the non-religious people are slacking in their duty. Smoking causing cancer is well known, don’t smoke, that is not a political argument. [Shouldn't the religious people be able to police themselves?]
14. Democrats okay’d the war, take some blame. [Noted.]
15. 1 point, I agree with you on 15.
16. Gay marriage is state level, the internet is not censored until something passes through the senate and house, which is currently democratically controlled.
17. Poor driving and fraud are definitely on the same level.
18. 1 point. I agree with you on 18.
19. Be more specific please, seems like you are starting to stretch to get your list of 20 done.
20. Didn’t Bill Clinton create NAFTA? I got to use this one twice
I get tired of generalizations and stereotypes when people try to blame one group for some problems that are in part, their own. I don’t care what side of the aisle you are on, if things are not going your way, get up and do something. I would recommend leaving your computer and top twenty lists and going to a political convention. There you may find the vast majority of politicians are full of it anyway.
I don’t watch fox news.
Ron Paul 08
December 16, 2007 at 11:04 pm
One guess why the above post is not a quarter as funny as the original
December 17, 2007 at 1:40 am
I’m pretty sure you just described a very small amount of republicans that happen to be extremely loud. I could say “Being a liberal means believing no one is capable of doing anything for themselves and must have everything provided for them by the government” or “Being a liberal means believing that free speech is necessary, unless you’re not a liberal” but those too would be gross overstatements. You might want to throw in an asterisk somewhere that says “.01% of the republican population actually believe these things. Excuse my ignorance.”
Point 15 is valid
January 1, 2008 at 9:26 pm
easycheez should be a politician, he/she distorts the facts to fit his/her version of what truth is desired–
>4. Didn’t Bill Clinton create NAFTA?
>20. Didn’t Bill Clinton create NAFTA? I got to use this one twice
The truth is Clinton only SIGNED the bill, but he did NOT create NAFTA. The seeds of NAFTA were the Canadian-American Free Trade Agreement, begun in 1987 under the presidency of the God Ronald Reagan, and signed by him on Jan 2, 1988. NAFTA was an expansion of CAFTA, begun and signed (the international agreement, not the bill) under Bush I. The bill passed the House & Senate in 1993 (and for the record, a higher % of Republicans voted for it than Democrats, in both cases).
If you want to blame someone for something, at least blame everyone involved. And state the truth. At least Clinton tried to look out for this country a little with the NAAEC & NAALC (look ‘em up) supplements to NAFTA. That’s more than Reagan or Bush I did.
The bottom line is, only corporate interests benefit from agreements like this, at the expense of the American people. And as if that’s not bad enough, Bush II is trying to push the Dominican Republic-Central American Free Trade Agreement to screw the American people some more.
There may be more distortions and half-truths in easycheez’s little diatribe above, I didn’t read the whole thing. The two I quoted just stood out.
January 3, 2008 at 12:50 pm
lol this was taken from 20 things you have to believe to be a democrat / republican, and the author left the democrat version off, LOL. Fing jokers.
January 4, 2008 at 2:45 pm
lol - clearly all generalizations, but still funny as hell! post the top 20 for the democratic side…would be fun to see.
January 4, 2008 at 2:54 pm
yep….that about covers it, and being a republican I must admit that some of the parties policies are just dumb, ilogic and completely hipocrytic
January 4, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Eh eh.. i will put them in my blog, here in Italy it should be funny to read!
January 4, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Yesssssssss!!!
January 4, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Hey, that pretty much defines what I believe! I’m impressed.
February 25, 2008 at 11:12 am
So are you Pro-Coal or not? I am. I sure do love coal. I dont like this republican make-funnery. It is silliness. Republicans pretty much want economic freedom and no illegal aliens. And no Muslim terrorists or the nations that support them. We beleive in Hot Dogs and Cold Beer. We dont want to have to hit the ‘English’ button at the ATM and have ‘Espanol’ even as an option. Have a great day, your buddy -> Don
March 13, 2008 at 8:59 pm
22 WAYS TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT
1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented change s in the earth’s climate and more affected by Soccer moms driving SUV’s.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of Federal Funding.
8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can’t teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
9. You have to believe that hunters don’t care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make “The Passion of the Christ” for financial gain only.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more Important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G..Bell.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn’t worked any where it’s been tried is because the right people haven’t been in charge.
18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and Manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
20. You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.
21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right Wing Conspiracy.
22. You have to believe that it’s okay to give Federal workers the day off on Christmas Day ………………but it’s not okay to say “Merry Christmas.”